Posted By: Jessa Slade
Currently Working On: Editing out “snorted”s in SEDUCED BY SHADOWS
Mood: Horrified by sheer number of “snorted”s
I have no conference memories since I missed San Fran. Yeah, I’m bitter about it. In order to move on, I’m plotting… uh, planning how I’m going to get to D.C. next year. This is exceedingly important to me because I will be eligible for a First Sale ribbon. I plan on stapling it to my chest. Possibly forever.
But first I need to get to D.C.
Here’s what I figure I need to do to amass the approx. $1,000 needed for registration, airfare, hotel and foo-foo drinks in the hotel bar for my editor and agent, CPs and random conference attendees, any passing male romance cover models, and myself.
I found a local medical research company. If I could qualify, it would still take three different studies, one for $700 and a couple for $200. And I might have to fake symptoms for the first one. Is my First Sale ribbon worth skewing years of important data that could cure someone’s fatal disease or at least reduce the appearance of zits? Okay, let’s check the next option before I reveal things about my personality that I’m not too proud of.
Still in a “give my left lung” frame of mind, I also discovered that I could sell my blood plasma. However, I’ve traveled to China where malaria or hepatatis or something is an issue, so my innards may be worthless. Still, my sweetie and my dog are willing to help. (They don’t know they’re willing to help, but I have a supply of beading needles that should do the trick.) If I start now and drain my CPs too (it’s not like I don’t do that anyway)… Hey, where’s everybody going?
Fine. What else? Sell my books to Powells? Never! Give up my monthly bucket o’ cookie dough? Impossible! How important is electrical service to the house? I suppose I need to run my computer, so that’s out.
Crack ATM… Too illegal.
Start pyramid scheme… Too math-like.
Invade Pipelineistan, set self up as petty dictator, corruptly funnel kick-backs to conference kitty… Been done.
Get real job… Shuh, right.
It’s looking like maybe the cover models will have to buy us drinks. But as God is my witness (clench hand dramatically here) I will be in D.C. next year. Too bad I don’t have green velvet curtains; I’m gonna look right peculiar in a ball gown of polyester sheers. Ah well, the First Sale ribbon is big enough to cover anything that could get me arrested, yes?
Please be sure to post here with all your big cash opportunities not directly associated with lonesome Nigerian bankers or Friday-night streetwalking on Sandy & NE 82nd. See you at the bar in D.C.!